Niranjan Guha Roy 1984
Letter to a friend
I came to the Ashram in June, 1946 finally to stay. From that day, I had a sense of total security in the physical Presence of the Mother. She gave a perfect stability to my material existence. I have passed through many long periods of hesitation and great inner difficulties, which is quite natural in any process of yoga. But this sense of utter protection and stability never left me, even in my darkest days. She was the visible symbol of absolute assurance. As far as I was concerned, I had the feeling that nothing could ever go wrong for She was there physically. In reality, I had very little physical contact with the Mother. I had no need for it, for in my inner consciousness She was always there and She is always there. But when She left the body in November, 1973 it was as if I lost the plank under my feet. That sense of absolute security and stability which came from Her physical Presence disappeared. I felt like an orphan, without parents or a home. Though in my consciousness She was fully present always, though I met Her so often in dreams, though I felt how She helped, protected and guided our life in a very material way, nothing satisfied me. That most reassuring physical protection was absent. There was nowhere any symbol of physical protection and stability, as if we were at the mercy of the world. This physical separation created a searing despair in the being, especially in the body. The soul remained unconsoled even with the constant perception of the One.
Recently something magnificent has happened. I have found the same reassuring physical Presence of the Mother as concrete as before, perhaps even more, for it is eternal, for it is the Eternal Mother, She who forever is. There is no one else, nothing else. I do not have to seek Her, I do not have to imagine Her. There She is, always with Her most reassuring unveiled Presence. That lost sense of protection and stability has come back. Once again, nothing can go wrong for She is there, more concrete, real and tangible than this material universe. I am no longer an orphan. I have found the Mother. I feel no one, nothing can touch me. She is there. She has the absolute control over everything in the most physical way. She alone is the only durable physical Presence.